I thank God for Pornography.....did I just say that?

Yyeeeeaaaa I said it so what now what.  I can hear the whispers going already.  Telegrams are being sent out, emails are out there in the digital cloud being sent to every family, friend and church member I know.  You know what I say to that.......GOOD!!!

As with every post I put on this blog I pray.  I pray that God's will be done and that anything I write is never pointed to me but always to him.  With that being said let's get to it.  As I said before in previous blog posts lately this month; I am going to be thanking God for many things in my life.  None of which will be most likely the norm to thank God for.  But know this I have prayed and thank God for this sickness that I have in me.

Now I really don't like porn.  In fact I hate what it does to your mind, to your image of women and to your spirit.  It feeds your flesh something awful to the point your flesh craves it and just gots to have it (yes i said gots).  I have been addicted to pornography since I was around 15 years old I think.  that means for almost 20 years I have been looking at porn.  That's a lot of years to be feeding your spirit something that it does not need and will stagnate your growth in Christ.

Pornography has cause me to ruin two marriages, quite a few relationships and even disregard a whole race of women.  It has fed negative thoughts and images of women in my mind to the point that when I did log back into the real world it was still like I was looking at a computer screen.  Every woman was "which one would do this or which one would do that" or "she aint this type I can tell by her attitude".  I kid you not porn ruined a big chunk of my life.  And trust me when I say this; my addiction to pornography was scheduled time.  That means I had specific times of the day each day I would watch porn.  So when someone reads this who may be going through the same thing reads; I hope they understand just how much I understand their pain.

And yet I sit here and type this today proudly and thanking God the entire way.  After my 2nd divorce I had hit rock bottom.  I had gotten to the point that I just give up.  I admitted to the Lord that which he already knew.  I told him I was addicted and I told him I didn't want to be anymore.  I was tired of objectifying women and degrading them to my own personal desires.  I wanted to be free from it.  I really did tell the Lord "here take this which is not like you out of me completely" and ya know what he said to me.........NO!!!

Wait a minute.......God who hates sin, the same God who hates lust and sexual immorality said no???  I pretty much went mad.  I had already made a covenant with the Lord.  I had already said Lord my body, this vessel is yours to command as you see fit; and he still said no.  The only thing stronger than my addiction to pornography was my determination to become a better servant for the Lord.  I started reading my bible more.  I started looking up scriptures about sexual immorality and lusts and how to withstand it.  Which is why scriptures like 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 come to mind.  Or even 2 peter 1:5-9 or countless others I have learned.

I began looking up ways to have more self-control.  I spent hours upon hours upon hours reading my bible and praying.  i spent days upon days studying and building my relationship with the Lord.  I was so driven to not be what I once was that I had not realized I went a whole week without looking at porn....

I went 168 hours with out looking at a single pornographic image.  a week turned into weeks and then into months.  I couldn't believe that i had gone even 24 hours without looking at a single pornographic image.  Remember I was at one point so addicted I had it scheduled every day for that "ME time".  I thank God for pornography.  Not for the vileness that it is but for how God used it to bring me closer to him.  Because of my addiction and now deliverance from it I can help others see the beauty in Christ and the provision he will give if you will just ask and trust him to do it.

20 years ladies and gents.  20 years I was addicted to porn.  Doesn't mean that I don't still struggle to not look, but now every time that urge creeps up....I pray.  Every single time I feel my flesh trying to take control of my hand and then have my mouse click on something I know i got no business clicking on.....I pray.  I get off my laptop, get down on my knees and I pray.  My prayer is then focused and his Holy spirit gives me the strength to withstand.

I will turn on some Gospel music or listen to a sermon that brings me joy.  I thank God for the thorn in my side that is pornography.  I thank God that as it says in Isaiah 55:8-9, his thoughts are not my thoughts and his ways are definitely not my ways.  There is no way on God's green earth would I use someones weakness to make them stronger in Christ.  There's no way.  But I do claim it.

I will not let the enemy use this against me to keep me down and in fear just because church folk don't want to discuss their problems and keep it locked in a closet.  I will not walk in fear. My God does not give us the spirit of fear, but a spirit of POWER and LOVE (2 Tim 1:7).  I will always be transparent for this is my ministry.  This is what people need to see that we who are saved and follow Christ are not bound by it anymore.  How do we as Christians expect to ever reach anyone if we are not willing to show our Battle Scars?

I thank God for pornography because it brought me closer to him and farther from sin.  This world is fallen and God allowed it for a reason.  I may not like it and the damage sin has done to me, but it has got me dependent upon Christ.  It has forced me to see I cannot make it through this life alone.  We all need help.  Look to Christ and soon you too may just say THANK YOU LORD FOR________